Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Wow, I held a baby

So, another baby was born. We have become friends with a neighboring couple (mostly to the husband) in the few years we have lived next door to one another. We mostly talk to him because he is outside working in the yard, and we have attended a few of their 4th of July parties. Though they are only a few years older than us (we are starting late and they started waaaay early-like age 14) their daughter just gave birth to their first granddaughter. As you can imagine, they have been over the moon about it since the day they found out. We never really knew their daughter until about the last 3 months, and their whole family has been so excited that our babies will be playmates. Anyway....she was born the 1st. We got a text and a pic, which I thought would be the extent of our interactions until we ran into each other in passing. We said congrats, she's cute, you know the usual.
 I got a phone call the 4th.
Me: "hello?"
New father: "Hey, Michelle we are next door and are you busy-I mean we want u see our daughter, we wanted to come over but- well are you busy right now?!" reallllllly fast, I can hardly understand him.
Me: " Uh, well, um not really, sooo did you want to come here or you want me to come over there?
He: "It doesn't matter, we just want to show you!"
Me: "Well, um, how long did you plan to be there?"
He: "About another 30 minutes!"
Me: " Uh, let me just come over there, I'll uh be there in a few minutes." I say as I am looking out the window to see a lot of cars in front of grandparents' place and in the driveway.
I think to myself as I'm throwing on a pair of shoes "It will be okay, there are a lot of people there who will be passing the baby around, not too intimate- probably won't draw attention to the fact I won't hold her. I'll  just be in and out. Besides, sounds like they have somewhere else to be soon."
As I walk in the door, around the corner comes mama and baby. Baby is dropped into my arms, while she says, "wanna hold her?"
Uh wow okay, I'm holding the baby! Interesting that even in the midst of grief and fear of holding a baby my reflexes didn't break. I put my arms out like anyone would when you have a baby in your bubble. I imagined that going down differently.
Surprisingly, I did okay. The blood rushed into my cheeks and I got very hot and couldn't sit down once again. But I held her and looked at her. I'm glad that's over with. One little thing at a time right? That was probably the best way it could have happened. I wonder if they did it on purpose because all those visitors were around the corner in the kitchen when I entered the front. There were only three of us in that huge living room, yet everyone else seemed to be crammed into the kitchen. It surprised me so much when new father called me because he never has and he talked to me like we were best friends. I literally walked over there in shock. Then it was shocking to be handed the baby like I was such an important person, they were just waiting to introduce her to. I feel like I was just adopted into their family without knowing. The best part is I was able to talk about Audrey while holding her and the parents didn't get all weirded out like a lot of people do. Who knew that long conversations in the yard - mostly just in passing, with new grandfather would lead to a little healing for my heart. Of course I thought of losing Audrey but more-so I was just happy that they got to bring their gift home.


  1. oh michelle Im so glad it went well and that they listened when you spoke of Audrey. I only held a baby girl once after I lost Genesis and before I had my rainbow daughter. It was only 7 months after Genesis died. And it broke me. I was crying so much I could hardly see.

  2. wow. i'm glad for you, michelle, that it went well, and that you felt so welcomed and important.

    i haven't yet had to face that situation, and i hope i won't have to any time soon. right now i can't imagine i would do anything other than cry.

    last week a former co-worker who had a baby labor day weekend was going to come in after school one day to show off her baby. she had the forethought to email me that morning and warn me that she would be there. i was appreciative of the warning, and left just as soon as school let out.

  3. I'm glad for you Michelle. Sounds like it may have been an important thing for you - and a God thing. Especially neat that you were able to talk about Audrey too.

  4. "... a little healing for my heart." I am so glad you were able to get a little piece back.

    I think deep down we are all a little stronger than we give ourselves credit for... especially when placed in an awkward unusual situation!


  5. I'm glad there was some healing for your heart in that surprise hand-off. Sometimes the steps are small, and sometimes they take us by surprise. Hugs to you!

  6. This is great! I'm glad you got to hold that baby and even more so that you got to share about your beautiful Audrey :-)