Friday, October 15, 2010

I Remember

Today I remember our babies with all of you. I am so pleased to see filled with love and honor for all those lives that mean something to us. To recognize that we need not be silent, that it's okay to talk about them. Being a part of this community for a year now, I see the great strides we've taken to gain voices for the children we mourn. I can only imagine what next year will bring! It is so sad to think that we will add to our family in great numbers by next year's Remembrance Day.

Last Sunday my husband and I went on a walk to remember. It was a small walk- like around the building- on a hospital campus. About 300 people attended which was the largest turn out they had ever had in the eleven years they've hosted. They had a beautiful ceremony with songs, poetry readings, a harpist playing, all in an auditorium lit only by candlelight. They gave each family a white rose with a white ribbon where you could write a message. As soon as I saw the white roses my eyes welled up with tears, that's Audrey's thing- roses, white or soft pink. White particularly because that was what our hospital taped to our door to let others know we had a baby who died. And pink because I received so many pink roses from the moment I was admitted and on through her funeral. So, as I was saying the ceremony was beautiful, I shed many tears and at times I wanted to lay on the floor and just have an ugly, gut bellowing cry- you know the kind you would reserve for home alone. I left feeling rather disappointed though. The ceremony took place first then the walk, and last we placed our roses in a memorial garden and spoke our babies' names into a microphone as we laid them at the base of an angel statue. That was also beautiful.
What left me wanting was the walk. As some of you who've been following me for the duration know, I wanted to plan a walk. I thought there wasn't one in our area, then I found out about this one so I felt there would be no need for another. I guess what I'm getting at is after thinking about this for a week I still think I want to put one together, I imagine getting the community involved, one where we really walk - in public. Not hidden, not where only the people coming and going from the hospital see us. Not one where only couples who've lost and their children attend. One where we get teams together (our entire families) to wear t-shirts that represent our babies. One that is announced on the news not just at the hospital and funeral homes. This is not a new idea, it's what cities across the country are doing. We are behind- like most things, being in a state were our biggest cities are a far cry from being big metropolises. I'm writing all this to get your opinions and any ideas. I hate to compete with one of the three hospitals but I really think we can do better. I would be willing to work with the hospital if it weren't for the politics. Too many people are left out- this is a Catholic hospital and it was a very Catholic ceremony. Where does that leave everyone else who didn't give birth there, or are from rural areas, or are uncomfortable with a religious ceremony? Like I said I'm open to comments, I welcome them, I'm kind of begging for them! What should I do, where should I begin?


  1. I have no advice, but I am thinking of your Audrey tonight.

  2. Just wanted to say I love your idea. I came accross your blog after I lost my son three months ago following pPROM 10 weeks previously. I was 31 weeks pregnant.

    i am from the UK and in my city I have not heard of any walks. But I love the idea. Here ever year we have many many Race for Lifes (run in aid of breast Cancer research by women) why not a race or walk for Pregnancy and Infant Loss?

    Hear in the UK International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day is recognised but not publicised. It is a shame.

  3. I don't know if I would clasify what the hospital did as a walk. It sounds more like a ceremony with a small "walk". I could see a need for something more!

    You said it was last Sunday... so if you did your walk every year on Oct. 15 or that weekend, then you wouldn't be in competition! It would be something in addition to the ceremony at the hospital - I know I would do both!

    Hope this feedback helps!

  4. No advice for the walk, maybe contact Share about opening a chapter or organizing something (if they can in your area anyway?)

    Remembering with you today (*hugs*)