Friday, July 2, 2010


I can't help but wonder sometimes why we lost you. I've been over it every which way, I mean spiritually, philosophically,and medically or scientifically.

I hate this mystery. I hate that there is no diagnosis for the reason my water broke. I hate the word "fluke" that is so often used by doctors.

So, let's say my cervix isn't weak...

Was it the stress hormones (due to my job) coursing through my veins that "compromised my immune system?"

Was it the chemicals in the exterminators so-called-safe formula that brought on pre-term labor 4 days after he sprayed?

Was it because I got pregnant so soon after the miscarriage that my uterus needed a break after 24 weeks?

Was it due to the coffee I drank at grandma's funeral 4 days before?

Was there too much had been 4 weeks since the last ultrasound, did my body produce too much fluid that caused the pressure and snapped?

Do I still have some bizarre condition that no one has detected yet that makes my uterus hit the eject button?

Did I eat something I shouldn't have unknowingly and if I did, how did that cause my water to break without the signs of infection?

I miss you every day baby girl.


  1. ((hugs)) i play this game A LOT!! i am always a loser though...i dont think you can ever have an answer and even if you do you will still wonder why....thinking of you

  2. Michelle, I understand how you feel about wanting to know "why" you had to lose Audrey. I drive myself crazy with the "why's" also. I wish I could find the answer for you. I hope you will find peace and know that someday you will find out why.

  3. I struggle with the "whys" too. When my water broke and our baby was born too early, that is what I cried to God--Why??? I didn't get an answer, either from God or from the doctors. And I still ask the question. Oh, how I wish we had answers.