Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I'm Moving

This is how my therapist puts it. She showed me a picture of a tornado and along the outside of the drawing it lists what is otherwise known as stages of grief. Grief is kind of like a tornado in that it tosses us around from one "stage" to another with no particular pattern or time frame.
I was stuck for the last few months in depression, I was at a stand still, just stuck. Now I am moving again and it doesn't matter if I revisit a "stage" or go on to a new one so long as I am moving. One day the tornado will spit me out- that I look forward to. I think Ms. Therapist is gonna work out. She asks me the right questions, which lead me to answer my own dilemma just by thinking about how to answer her. She helped me put into words what I need.

I started my own project. I decided to evaluate the relationships in my life, those who have made themselves available to me I will ask for the support I need. Those who have dismissed me and made reference to "getting together when I feel better" I will not pursue friendship with any longer. And, I will seek out new friendships. This has been a long time coming.
My homework from Ms. Therapist is to start Audrey's scrapbook and finish one of my paintings by next week's session. We came up with this assignment together. She suggested I focus on the things I can physically put into action instead of my thoughts and feelings (not to ignore them but to set them aside) for a few hrs. to accomplish something I would otherwise like to do. Seems simple enough really. Changing our own thoughts and feelings is sometimes impossible.

Lord, forgive me for not accepting your grace, you can change the way I think and the way I feel.

I thought I would share what my space looks like once I get inspired and dig in. What does this resemble to you? A tornado maybe?


  1. WOW Michelle, I feel the same about my "friends" too...A girl i was pregnant with reached out this week through text and began to tell me about how happy she was to "finally" have a glass of wine, you remember from FB...anyway...after a lot of thought I wrote her back explaining that I just cant hear these things right now etc...thinking she would understand she responds with "well i will give you some space and we can talk when you feel better" people not get that we WONT feel better, and if and when we do are we going to go running to THEM...NO...and YEs this is a tornado and also hurricane for me as well...its ripping through my life at full force some days and some days I actually feel like I CAN make it...I love that you are doing the scrap book...for my shower I was giving a scrap book from my friends will all these things they had started and were hoping for me to continue...maybe when i get the courage to "see" this book again I can do it for alyssa too...thinking of you and glad the therapist is working out

  2. OMG... Ann, Now I remember you did post that on fb about "feeling better." Yeah my friend called me last week with a hair question I didn't return her call. I was just too depressed. So I messaged her on fb & said sorry I didn't call you, was depressed & have been ect. Her response, I hope you get feeling better soon. Call me when you are ready to "go out." UGH When I do I won't be calling her! Trouble is the people I take issue with are the couples my husband is also friends with!

  3. Michelle, I am glad you found a therapist you like. Enjoy scrapping for Audrey. You need to post a picture of your painting too. :) It is sad that we have to move on from some relationships, but it takes major events in our lives to find out who is really in it for real. ((Hugs)) Love to you!

  4. I agree about moving towards new friends and leaving behind the people that have not been there. I need to analyze my small list as well.
    I am gald that you found a therapist that works for you.