Monday, March 29, 2010

Rejection and fear

Hi darlings,
As I approach new things on the horizon I find myself not knowing what to write. I have many things happening to keep me busy, from my new buisness to planning a baby loss walk, to starting a few other blogs ...which I will soon update you on. How do you like my new look? It was time for a change.
God has been so good to me, I am meeting influencial people who will help further my business. However; I find myself so heavily burdened by failure that it's hard for me to advance, to receive the success that is about to mine. For a little background... years ago I moved to LA to follow my dream to work in film, doing makeup mostly and some hair. After a few years I decided the wisest thing to do was go back home for awhile, because I wasn't "making" it.  Since I've been here I became allergic to many ingredients in the beauty industry and had to quit working in the salon. So now that I have found all organic products which allows me to do hair, I've opened a salon of my own - the one and only organic salon in my area. Sounds exciting doesn't it? Well it is - sometimes but I am afraid....afraid to fail again.
Sometimes I think, "What is the worst that can happen- I mean Audrey is DEAD!! Nothing can be worse than that right? So what if word gets around town that I'm a lousy stylist, who cares if Jane Doe doesn't want to come to my salon because it's not in WEST Des Moines(The epitimy of suburbia). Can that kind of rejection really hurt me more than losing my baby?"
No, of course not. This fear isn't rational, I know that. I've struggled to just let go of myself, share my talent with the world without fear of rejection and I've had breakthroughs, so I'm frustrated to find myself in this place again. Losing Audrey has sent me into a whirlwind of fear. A fearful wounded place I thought I would never see in myself again. I feel like a failure on so many levels now. So, everyday I get up put on my disguise and lie my face off most of the day. In fact this is the most honest I've been in DAYS!!

Lord, help me believe in myself again, and not just me but you flowing through me.


  1. Michelle, I think that sounds AWESOME! An organic salon, how innovative. I wish you all the luck in the world, and praying that your business has awesome success. Hang in there, after facing the loss of a child, it's just plain hard. I feel the same way too, about my design studio. But it really is going to be okay. God is so good to line our path with things that we can still enjoy!

  2. I can so relate. I sometimes feel like a failure in so many ways since this has happened. It's hard to think about succeeding at anything. Thinking of you! I think you're inching towards success just meeting with people about your business and doing this blog! :) (((HUGS))) & love the new look!

  3. Nothing can be worse than what we have been through thats for sure, but it doesnt mean we dont have fear. Because of this our fear is even stronger. What you are doing is amazing. An organic salon is going to be really huge in the future and you have one now!! Just hang in there and try to advertise as much as possible because a lot of people are going all natural but also alot of people are allergic to products like you. Maybe you can target those ladies and eventually word will spread like that. oh the new look is cute!! feel better...thinking of you and audrey today :(

  4. I too am SO afraid of rejection and failure.

    I have so many things on my to do list and I am afraid to do them because I am my own worst critic.

    I think any time we try something new it will be with fear however if we don't try at all where will we end up?

    I do believe that any time we are passionate about what we are doing others will sense it and that will make what we are doing a success.

    Go with it and follow your dreams, Michelle!


  5. It's good to see you starting to take steps forward. Good luck with organising your projects.

    Thinking of you all and I love the new look!

  6. I wish you the best of luck - it sounds like a great idea, I would definitely go to an Organic Salon. I think moving forward is the best we can do sometimes, success or not just trying something new is awesome!