Love

And now these three things remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1Cor. 13:13 When I chose the title of my blog, I had no idea that I would learn so much about love from Audrey. For years now I have cried out to God asking him to teach me love. So many circumstances from the past have really messed up my understanding of love. In my struggle to please God I realized I couldn't follow the first commandment: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength. Deut. 6:4 "What does loving you like this mean? What does loving another human being like this mean?" I asked God.
Even the story of the cross escaped me, despite the fact that I believe in Him. But, through this grief I had a revelation. I loved Audrey with all my heart, soul and strength and I still do. I would have given my life to save hers. I see God's love for me with new eyes now, by comparing it to the love I have for Audrey. I can finally say I am getting it...not fully aware yet but I'm starting to get it.

My nurse midwife (who I planned to have a home birth with) told me that one day I would realize the gift that Audrey left me with. Now I know, it is love. Valentines Day has always been a favorite of mine. Many of them have left me disappointed, as a result I didn't get my hopes up this year and I have to say I feel so blessed! My life is so full of love. My wonderful husband gave me this necklace in memory of her. I photographed it with the card I gave him behind it. Our love has grown so much since we lost her.

This necklace represents so much for us... the angels keeping charge over us, one heart for each baby we have in heaven, each of our hearts remaining open to one another and our children- including those we will have in the future.

I couldn't have asked for a better gift!

Audrey,

Your daddy and I miss you so much. We dug out your grave site today to give you our hearts, the wind was so cold and bitter, the snow blew over our footprints in the few minutes it took us to place these hearts. We wish you could be here with us more than anything in the world! Neither of us have ever known love like the love we have for you. We will continue to honor your memory by loving each other and our heavenly father.

Love always,

Mommy

Thank you God for giving her to us even though it was so brief.