Less of me

Well here it is, 2010 and the correct thing to do would be to write a New Year post. Should I capitalize it like it's a holiday or an official title? Isn't it just another day, only the beginning of a new year? Ah well, I'll leave it because majority rules and everywhere I see it, it's capitalized.

So I've been reflecting on the upcoming year for weeks now and I had a post rolling around in my mind, but as I was about to put it to keyboard it all changed. Each year I set some goals I would like to achieve, ways I would like to improve or be more responsible, which I do a pretty good job of actually working toward. Then around my birthday I tend to reflect more on my life and ask myself if I am where I'd like to be and what else I would like to work on. My birthday is in June so it's almost half way through the year and it just seems the natural thing to do, just like making new years resolutions. Whether I accomplish them or not is another story. Well, no more.....no more resolutions, no more making goals at the turn of a new calendar year or birth year.

Here's how the original post rolling around in my head went:

Title: Divorce papers served
Dear 2009, you have been served. You have disappointed beyond my capacity to forgive, therefore we must end our relationship. I have no respect left for you and it's clear that by the way you treated me you have none for me. In January Jamie totaled his work truck, our computer got a virus and crashed, and because of that I lost the only copies of my best work. March 16th I had a miscarriage. Only one week later my aunt Penny died and left a huge hole in our family. All the while my best friend's life as she knew it was falling apart, thanks to the economy. Her and her husband were quickly losing all they had which forced them to eventually move half way across the country and in with her parents. April was like a curse that fell on my workplace as each employee suffered either a death or sickness in their family, which continued into May. August began with me losing my office and ended with the death of our great grandmother. September took my sweet Audrey and left me with an infection, and a boat load of other issues that carried into October, November and finished off the year. In October my uncle almost lost his life, was hospitalized, underwent major surgery and again came close to death. A wind of horror blew through everyone I was close to. A friend and colleague got into a terrible accident and is now in a wheelchair, another supported her boyfriend through a pulmonary embolism that nearly took his life, landed him in the hospital twice and cost him his job. An employee's dad went in for surgery able to walk, and talk and because of one wrong move in the O.R. he may continue to be paralyzed from the chest down. Another employee had a loved one commit suicide on Christmas Eve. A friend and client lost her job for no other reason than poor ownership to a thriving business. I could continue, but you get the point....you know what happened this year, 2009. I think you sucked!! I am so over you!! You gave so many such little joy and caused much sorrow. I am running of with 2010, I am sure he will be better for me. Goodbye and good riddance!

Sincerely,
Michelle

Well now, that felt good! Here's the thing though, we have a plan, we make goals, we hope that the turn of a decade will bring new and happier days and we take on this hope like it's the air that we breathe. Then there's God's plan, his time, his calendar. It is not mapped out anything like ours. Think of it this way, does cancer know what day it is? Does a failing heart continue to beat just because the people who love the one it belongs to had a bad year?
So, I ask God to help me pursue joy in the midst of whatever the next year brings. I ask him to give me grace to make it through each new day, to show me what those days might be like ahead. To prepare me for what he has in store and I receive the grace that is sufficient for me. For 2010 I hope to fall more in love with my Savior, that's it. It's the first commandment and my focus. GOD I NEED YOU, far less of me and so much more of you!

"You will know that God's power is very great for us who believe." Ephesians 1:19