Friday, January 22, 2010

Keepin it real

I feel fat. I feel angry. I feel alone.

My attitude stinks!

I realized this week that I have been turning to food for comfort because on some level I don't care to lose the weight I gained being pregnant. It's another way of holding on to my pregnancy, one more thing I have left of Audrey. I'm a mess internet!

One moment I am so grateful for my dear husband and want to show him by giving him hugs and spending time with him and the next I'm full of rage just looking at him.

I hate the jealousy I feel toward pregnant women and mothers.

I can hardly stand to share headspace with the part of me that gets irritated at cheerful people. I am so evil.

If healing is a wagon - I have fallen off! I'm a hater!

I am so ANGRY!! Mostly at myself, at my body for failing Audrey!

That's really all I have to say...I'm a mess

2 comments:

  1. Keep it real. It comes...it goes. It's the only way to get through; to actually let yourself feel the emotions and figure out how to deal with them. I'm praying for you!

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  2. Michelle, it is good that you are letting it out. It may not be a comfortable place in this grief, but it's good to embrace it. I wish I had words to make it all better, but all I can do is pray, and I will.

    XO

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