Friday, January 22, 2010

Keepin it real

I feel fat. I feel angry. I feel alone.

My attitude stinks!

I realized this week that I have been turning to food for comfort because on some level I don't care to lose the weight I gained being pregnant. It's another way of holding on to my pregnancy, one more thing I have left of Audrey. I'm a mess internet!

One moment I am so grateful for my dear husband and want to show him by giving him hugs and spending time with him and the next I'm full of rage just looking at him.

I hate the jealousy I feel toward pregnant women and mothers.

I can hardly stand to share headspace with the part of me that gets irritated at cheerful people. I am so evil.

If healing is a wagon - I have fallen off! I'm a hater!

I am so ANGRY!! Mostly at myself, at my body for failing Audrey!

That's really all I have to say...I'm a mess


  1. Keep it real. It goes. It's the only way to get through; to actually let yourself feel the emotions and figure out how to deal with them. I'm praying for you!

  2. Michelle, it is good that you are letting it out. It may not be a comfortable place in this grief, but it's good to embrace it. I wish I had words to make it all better, but all I can do is pray, and I will.