Saturday, December 19, 2009

2 Milestones

Through the job I dreaded returning to I reached 2 milestones this week. On Tuesday I met with one of my employees. I thought she was disgruntled with the company, her position or maybe even me. She seemed aloof, avoiding me and tasks I put her up to. This called for a conversation in my office. As I was expressing my concern for her behavior she teared up and said "I have nothing but your heart in mind. I didn't want to tell you this because I don't want to hurt you."
I was getting really nervous that she was gonna drop the "I'm leaving" bomb on me when she said, "I'm pregnant."
That was a whole other bomb I did not see coming!
"Wow, that makes sense." I said to her with tears in my eyes.
All the while my mind and heart competed for a true response - one that surpassed the professional-I'm-the-boss-don't-let-them-see-you-sweat response. The - how do I really process this- response. Much to my surprise I had to be honest with her and say how happy I truly was for her and I sincerely felt some joy! I also expressed my gratitude for her care and concern for my feelings. I felt so overwhelmed by the whole staff's sensitivity to the grief that is mine. I was the only one who did not know and everyone left it up to her to tell me. That just does not happen in every work setting especially when they are all women. Soon after our meeting I left to run an errand and checked my heart again, I did shed a few tears for Audrey. But I did not feel angry or jealous as I have in previous announcements of other's happy healthy births or pregnancy's. This was a milestone in my grief journey, the first of the week and the dearest to my heart.

The next came yesterday. My staff and I made our 2 millionth dollar in sales for this year. We worked hard to meet this goal and despite all that life dealt us in our personal lives and a huge heap that it dealt us professionally- WE DID IT!!

This accomplishment is something I really needed. For any of you who have lost a child you know what I am talking about when I say how lost and out of control the pain of grief has made me feel. At times I have questioned who I am, what I am good at, what is important or not and what I enjoy. Through my absence my staff has a new appreciation for my management style and I have heard compliments stating so. I learned the thing I am best at is hiring the right people - THAT is how we succeeded, I found the right people and we did it together.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful gift of unity that has been our store team. I give you the glory for the healing that is taking place in my heart. I honor you for giving me (ever so gently) the nudging to go back to a job I have lost my passion for, without it I would not have received this gift you had waiting there for me. Your nudge was so gentle I nearly missed it and I thank you for helping me recognize it. I love the way you love me Lord! Thank you for the gift that is Audrey, without her I would not know just how deeply I am loved by you, my husband and my family, or how caring and understanding those I work with are. Every time someone says how their heart aches for me I feel a piece of the puzzle that is me, get put into place. Your word in James 1:17 says, "Every good action and every perfect gift is from God. These good gifts come down from the creator of the sun, moon, and stars, who does not change like their shifting shadows." Lord, I recieve all the gifts you have for me. I believe in your promises and I will wait on you Lord... I will wait.

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad the Lord helped you with these milestones. I know it means a lot to be able to take some control in your life.