Friday, November 12, 2010


Today my grief feels so raw again. It's a rainy morning, I'm gripped with longing, longing to hold Audrey. I am struck with grief over what our marriage could have been at this point had we not lost her. Today I am pissed off that I didn't get to give birth to Audrey, but that she was surgically taken from my womb. I will never be the same again. I feel so ruined.
Today I have so much to accomplish, a hard working weekend ahead of me.  I feel like I just lost her yesterday. The demands of today seem too much to handle. I haven't cried in, well I can't remember how long, but now that the flood gates have opened I can't seem to stop.

Grace, oh how I need grace.


  1. Praying for grace! ((hugz))

    Take is slow today - things will get done when they get done. Take care of you!


  2. Oh, Michelle - I wish I could give you a real hug! Praying for you "Today" sweetie.

  3. Sending you lots of love today, Michelle. I am sorry you are having a sad day and anticipating a rushed weekend. I hope you can find some time for yourself. Cry and get as much out as you can, I am sure the release will do some good.

    Loving Audrey with you.


  4. Michelle, I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you...and my prayers continue.♥

  5. ((((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry it is all crashing in around you today. Praying tomorrow will be new...
    Lamentations 3:22-23
    "Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed (though it might feel like it),for His compassions never fail(His heart weeps with yours).
    They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."
    Love you much!

  6. ********BIG HUGE WARM HUG**********

  7. ((hugs))

    it is hard, isn't it?

    I believe you are next to get Patches the Bear. Please email me to let me know when he has arrived safely.

  8. This world is a very wicked world; and it...grows more wicked and corrupt... The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. . . .”

    "...when the mother is deprived of the pleasure and joy of rearing her babe to manhood or to womanhood in this life, through the hand of death, that privilege will be renewed to her hereafter, and she will enjoy it to a fuller fruition than it would be possible for her to do here."